We’re just a matter of days away from the premiere of one of the most anticipated seasons of The Bachelor, and we’re here to tell you’re right to anticipate it.
If we can judge it by the premiere—and we’re gonna, regardless of whether we can—this could be one of the best seasons of all time. Nick Viall has been around this block enough times by now, he knows how this works, and he’s used to being the butt of the joke while the show’s happy to make him the butt of the joke when necessary. It’s great, honestly.
After all the ups and downs we’ve seen this guy suffer through—and that we’ve suffered through while watching this guy—it’s actually going to be nice to watch him participate in something specifically designed for him to win, and for us to root for him.
As usual, most of the premiere is spent on getting to know the women and discovering what they chose to do upon exiting the limo, and as usual, it’s a perfect combo of genius editing and hilarious characters, accompanied by champagne and manufactured jealousy and occasional camels.
Here’s a few things you can expect:
Some truly cringey limo arrivals: Not as many costumes as usual, but plenty of bad lines and openers that were basically, “So you used to really suck, but you seem cool now.” What a way to charm a date!
Dolphins: We didn’t count the number of times the word was uttered during the premiere, but if we had, it might have been on par with the number of times they said dolphin in the 2011 movie Dolphin Tale, which we admittedly did not see.
Or sharks?: The girl in the pic above looks more like she’s rocking a throwback 2015 Left Shark costume than a dolphin costume, but we’re not aspiring dolphin trainers so maybe we just don’t know anything.
The aforementioned camels: And lines like “Why didn’t I think of the camel?!”
Seeing red: Many of the women seem to think they’ll only be remembered by the color of their dress, so the mansion goes into meltdown mode with every new arrival wearing the same color. It’s as silly as it sounds, and we hope it’s not an indication of what the house is going to be like this season.
Alllll the references to Nick’s former persona: The women know how Nick used to be, the former Bachelors know how Nick used to be, and Nick knows how he used to be, but he’s different now! Everybody talks about it a whole lot. We wouldn’t say it gets old yet, but it’s not gonna stay young for long.
And plenty of reminders of what he’s been through: Prepare to cringe while you relive all of Nick’s disastrous Bachelor journeys so far.
Blast from the past: Nick and one of the women already know each other, and we mean that in a biblical sort of sense. It is awkward AF.
Some really cool ladies: Not everyone seemed to be perfectly engineered for reality show ridiculousness. Some of the contestants seemed like real people who might be fun to hang out with for the next few months, which is always appreciated when we’re supposed to believe some real-life love is coming out of this.
And some really questionable people: But that’s why we tune into the premiere, right?
Here’s to yet another season of insanity!
The Bachelor premieres Monday, Jan. 2 at 8 p.m. on ABC.